o die! I'm afraid of that Presence! Send for Paul
Courtland! He tried to tell me once, and I wouldn't hear! I made him
choose between me and God! And _now I'm going to be punished_!"
"Listen, dear!" went on Bonnie's steady, tender voice. "God doesn't want
to punish. He wants to save. He is waiting to forgive you if you will
let Him!"
Something in her low-spoken words caught and held the attention of the
soul in mortal anguish. Gila fixed her great, anguishing eyes on Bonnie.
"Forgive! Forgive! How could anybody forgive all I've done! You don't
know anything about such things"--half contemptuously.--"You've always
been goody-good! I can see it in your look. You don't know what it is to
have men making fools of themselves over you! You don't know all I've
done! I've been what they call a sinner! I sent away the only man I ever
loved because I was _jealous of God_! I broke the heart of the man who
loved me because I got tired of him and his everlasting perfection! I
hated the idea of being a mother, and when my child came I deserted her!
I would have killed her if I had dared! I went away with a bad man! And
when I got tired of him I took the first way that opened to get away
from him! God doesn't forgive things like that! I didn't expect He would
when I did them. But it wasn't fair not to let me live out my life! I'm
too young to die! And I'm afraid! I'm AFRAID!"
"Yes. God forgives all those things! There was a woman once who had been
like that, and Jesus forgave her. He will forgive you if you ask Him.
But He can't forgive you unless you are sorry and really want Him to. He
says, 'Though your sins be as scarlet they shall be as white as snow;
and though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool,' but you
have to be sorry first that you sinned. He can't forgive you if you
aren't sorry."
"Sorry! _Sorry!_" Gila's laugh rang out mirthlessly and echoed in the
high, white room. "Oh, I'm _sorry_, all right! What do you think I am?
Do you think I've been _happy_? Don't you kno
Notka biograficzna
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John Addington Symonds (October 5, 1840 - April 19, 1893) was an English poet and literary critic. He was an early advocate of the validity of male love which included for him pederastic as well as egalitarian relationships, and which he would refer to as lamour de limpossible.